The Pissed Off Professor

I don’t normally waste my time mocking people, but sometimes, it has to be done. My motto in this area is pretty simple: I’m willing to let a person take the first couple of swings at me, and I give him fair warning that it’s time to knock it off and/or leave before making him fodder in my world.

Dumb just hasn’t gotten it, so before I send him into the virtual airlock for good, I had to share this with the rest of you while sending one more shout out to the genius that is Josh Dumb.

Here is a peek at one of several similar comments I blocked:

“ok shawn..why don’t you email me then..its in the form… since you dont want my freedom of speech on here to be displayed then email me big man”

Uh, Dumb, if you’re still out there, I’ve decided to make you a deal. Aside from the obvious errors in grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure, if you can find either of the two glaringly idiotic mistakes you’ve made here and indicate them in a comment to this post, I’ll invite you back. (I suggest you keep the comment short and sweet so as not to taint it with the confusing language you seem to prefer.)

I’ll even go a step farther: if, after thinking carefully about this, you can’t figure it out, Dumb, just scroll down. (I’ve provided partial answers for you.)

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Hint #1:

“. . .my freedom of speech on here. . .”
“. . .email me big man. . .”

Are you still confused? Oh, all right: scroll down more.

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Hint #2:
If you didn’t get it from the first hint, you’re never going to get it, Dumb.

And by the way, my little spy-timer shows me you scrolled down to get the hints before you even thought about the errors in what you’d written. CHEATER.

Dear Dumb,

Visitors to this site are welcome to their opinions; however, comments (such as yours) demonstrating a complete lack of control of the English language will be removed to spare other readers from suffering unnecessary idiocy.

As a repeat offender, you have been banished: I laugh at you and your ignorance, and you can’t do a darn thing about it, can you? Ha-ha-ha.

Your comments have consisted of nothing more than/or combinations of text-speak, sentence fragments, redundant ellipses, more swearing than logic, and/or instructions about what I ought to do to myself, and they have been eaten by this site’s spam filter. (Okay, all but two have: I wanted other readers to experience just how poor your thinking and writing skills are so they could laugh at you right along with me.)

Since you keep trying to comment, here’s a tip: you might as well pack your pathetic bags and take your ire elsewhere, Dumb. You have proven your utter unworthiness to be in my presence—and by extension, the presence of other readers here—and I’ve done what any thinking person would: I’ve banned you, Dumb.

You are an embarrassment to humankind in general and students in particular.

While I understand the frustration of crybabies like you, Dumb, I get my fill in the classroom, in my office, and out in the world. This is my site, and I smote you. (I know: you have no idea what smote means. Don’t worry, Dumb: you need to learn to think and write in complete sentences before you need to concern yourself with knowing any verbs.)

There was a time I might have pitied you your ignorance, Dumb; however, I’ve learned at the hands of whining, complaining, ignorant, lazy, self-centered students like yourself that you serve no valid purpose in this world, and wasting any of my time on you—unless, like this, I simply enjoy the power I have to mock you and celebrate your ignorance—is pointless.

In essence, Dumb, I refuse to have a battle of wits with you because you are a completely unarmed person.

Now, take your pity-party to the doorstep of another evil teacher and blame your shortcomings on him or her.

Or, keep trying to comment here, and I’ll continue to use you as the shining example of just how true it is that some people don’t belong in college.