The Pissed Off Professor

Having basically sung the praises of my first week of school, the bottom dropped out this morning when I received a particularly vicious e-mail from one of my students.

I’m posting the correspondence below, and it’s verbatim save for the student’s name which has been changed because I don’t want said student getting even five seconds of fame for being such an incredible ass.

The only background necessary is to point out the way a class is built at my school which is different from most colleges.

Our PeopleSoft system cannot determine the eligibility of a student to enroll in classes with prerequisites, and all but one of our English classes has a prerequisite. This means students enroll freely based on assigned registration dates, and Student A (who is not eligible for a class) can take a seat from Student B (who is eligible for the class) by virtue of an arbitrarily assigned enrollment date.

It is up to each instructor to check eligibility and shuffle students accordingly.

To make matters worse, each class—regardless of class cap—has an automatic waiting list feature that allows 20 students to “wait” for a slot. This is the reason I showed up to my first day of English Writing 100 and had close to 60 people jammed into my classroom: 28 enrolled, 20 waiting, and about 10 more bodies begging and pleading for a seat.

There is no good way to deal with this, but I have a routine that is as fair as I can make things: people who are present—regardless of any list—get preference over those who fail to show. Those who return the following class session with proof of eligibility then get preference over no shows and those without proof. By the third class, I set my students and dismiss the stragglers.

The student in question was on my waiting list, and she showed up for the first day but arrived late to the second session, disrupted the class to give me papers (including eligibility), and then ran out to “go to court.” (Less than one hour later, she had sent me her first e-mail, and anyone who knows this city and its court systems will likely find this timing improbable.)

It must also be noted that it is not uncommon for students to enroll in a required number of units to secure loans/grants/aid and either never show up for a class or show up only long enough to add a course and never return.

I do not hold/give seats to these people while other students are waiting to learn.

Here are the e-mails in order of their arrival:

Hello,
My name is STUDENT. I am in you engwr100 class from 12 to 1:20pm and i would like to know if you have a permission number I can use to fully enroll myself in the class. I don’t know if you received my last message but this is just to update. I need that number to give to the Veterans Aid so I can receive my money for books and other school supplies. Thank You and please email me as soon as possible.

[My reply]

STUDENT,

This is the first message I’ve received from you.

I’m curious: how were you able to leave campus, get to court, take care of things, and e-mail me all within an hour?

When you come to class on Wednesday, I’ll have a permission number for you. Until you are able to get your supplies, make use of the reserve textbooks in the library to complete your homework and keep up.

Professor Hansen

[The Student’s Reply]

Good morning.
I was able to go to court after I RAN to your class to turn in assignments asked for. Whether you want to believe it or not I am a trustworthy and reliable student. I needed that number to get my check right with the veterans office and you are of no help. Fortunately I will be in class on Wednesday and you can be as evil as you wish because I have favor with God. I can make it with out the belief of others. See you in class Wednesday and also…. thanks for nothing!

Needless to say, I’ve already contacted my dean, and I’ll be filing disciplinary paperwork on this student to toss said student’s ass out of my classroom.

Because I am “evil.”
Because I “have [no] favor with God.”
Because somehow this pig-headed “student” thinks this is the way to act.

As an aside, while this “student” was able to mouth off via e-mail (and later, in class the following period), the one-paragraph writing task and set of flash cards assigned were too much for him/her to complete.